Tough Week Skipped Work

3/28/2013 - Toughest Week so Far.

I haven't been doing what is right in life so far this week. It's been tough and challenging, i have not stopped helping others but I am not helping my self. I need to push the restart button on my goals. I took a hiatus from work and have locked myself in the library. It's as close to do or die situation for me this week.

I have a test on LEED AP on 31st March at 14:00pm but i havent studied or yet spending too much time pretending to study. I should be back to work soon, my team needs me to churn out the project. I love my job i am thankful for the people, my family and some hard work to get me to this level.

I can't slip out now. I have to do it,. I have to do it.

It's an important week for Mansi as well, she has been going through some rough patch even worse than me on all fronts. She is my good friend and i hope she gets the support from superior powers to aka god to help our drive through and i will play my part in standing by her. After all what are friends for.

I have promised Rhianon an undergraduate lady from GW for an internship and Katlin, Nikhil and Anuja for full time positions.

Its been two and half years so far but i have managed to get Bharat, Anuja part time positions at the library. I have also reached out for others, so karma wise i have been on the positive side helping out beyond my means some time.

I need to slow down though, i can't help everyone i have to understand that. It's would be annoying for my contacts to favor me all the time. I have the relationship but i should maintain them.

I met some peeps from the world bank this week had an interesting conversation about their scope of work. Oh i better get back to study now.

Who Am I?

Often when we try to look within in our self and reflect on our actions we try to judge or rate our self comparing our self with friends, stranger but mostly celebrities. How do we rank compared to them?

I have come across this situation several times be it in weight, hair loss or integrity. Today i think i will try to pen down my thoughts on integrity.

India
I am patriotic, like seriously. I will defend my country when anyone else tries to downplay it with vigor and passion and never ever ever ever let anyone mock or deface it. I also wore my national flag during graduation. I was proud to be the first student to graduate with a masters in my family. Although my family was not here i took my country's flag to remind me of who i was and where i came from.

I am educated and hence aware and not naive of my country's situation, rampant corruption has always been the norm since growing up. It has always been a black mark in the progress of India and i am now used to live with it. But  add recent news of gang rapes and crime against innocents, i don't think i can ever forget them. I want to go back to my country because anyone who can contribute to the knowledge pool and bring up the economy should go back. When i am old i want to die in my land where i was born. But rapes, poverty, instability, high cost of living, population and lack of opportunity by reverse-discrimination and high competition is been questioning my thoughts of going back.

March 17th 2013 News
Swiss national gang raped by 5 in Madhya Pradesh
A resident of Matunga, Mumbai gang raped by 7 in her shanty home
Bitty Mohanty an convicted rapist who jumped bail in a rape case spends a night in an airconditioned hotel room instead of jail.
The private sector banks providing ways of converting black money into white money in India


So should i stay here in USA away from my parents and eventually take up US citizenship?

USA
The land of the opportunity as a whole country, the most powerful nation in the world (ofcourse it military budget is more than the next 10 countries combined). Most of the US presidents would say that America is the land of freedom and the greatest country in the world. But since being educated and not naive, i don't particularly think it is true. I read an article on Vietnam war today in financial times March 17th 2013 page B3. It was titled "After a massacre, a lost generation"

"A soldier called us out, and we stood there not knowing what was happening. The white soldiers guarded us while the black soldier shot our cows, then set fire to our barn. The soldiers stepped away, discussing what they were going to do next. As they were talking, my mother guessed us what was happening and told us. We started to cry. Then the soldiers forced us back into the bunker. My mother got in last, I think she was trying to protect us. Then they threw grenade in"

I also saw a video on CNN about the Iraq War. A mother who has psychological issues because she couldn't forget the night when a US missile crushed her entire family, she escaped but her two year old son couldn't.

The politics of Syrian War where it is a conflict between the EU&US v/s Russia& China. A million people have lost lives because of these governments and their support to both the rebels and Bashar.

These were just the news from March 17th 2013.

This is not right and I am ashamed today like seriously ashamed of whom should i associate myself with. I am neither proud to call myself an Indian nor would like to take up a US citizenship but US is my best chance as of now. This is my only chance to raise my kids with the right opportunities and quality education. Although i am really confused as an individual of WHO AM I.

Am i working hard

On a normal weekday, i wake up, go to work, and then spend some time on the social networking site and go to bed. On the weekends i would sleep in late, maybe exercise, do my laundry and spend some good time with friends.

I came to US with a goal in mind, the idea was simple "Save the World" by reducing, recycling and by energy efficiency. I do that 40 hours a week every week, every month from the past 9 months. This has been a journey so far an incredible one and a rewarding one. I also created a tacky pick up line and it kind of works as well. When women ask me what i do work I say "I save polar bears" the immediate response is Aww that's so cute and that breaks the awkwardness.

But something is not right, the more i learn and more i work the more i feel that i am not doing enough. 40 hours a week is 23% of 168 hours a week. Am i really saving the world by working 23% of the week, what if my kids or their kids ask me, Did i do enough to save the planet, why weren't my current generation sustainable or left the good things that they are enjoying now for them. Why are we so mean to our human race?

As of today i am witnessing not just the rampant abuse of the environment and energy (electricity) but also people. The very people i set out to save by saving the world. Women are being gang raped, cities are being destroyed and there is no one even ready to answer or tend to the basic needs of the poor while the corrupt influential are still pocketing the majority of the money while the hardworking men and women are being made to work even harder, two shits maybe three to support to support their families or put their kids through college.

So every time i ask the question to myself on why am i working hard or not so hard to save the world i remember the families who are genuine and not the corrupt who are destroying it. I remember that kindness still exist and that people with similar attitudes should combine their powers to elevate us from the gutter. Our civilization is the most unique creation in the whole universe we have the power to communicate, analyze and i think that's awesome.

I will work hard, cause the goal is not just to save polar bears but it is to help my people as well, i have to create a road map on how to achieve it. Yes that should be the first step and also ever time i meet someone i will remember to smile and let them know that they are better than they think they are.


Adios